Frank Zappa:Dance Contest

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“Dance Contest”
Artist: Frank Zappa
Albums: Tinseltown Rebellion (1981)

FZ:
One of the
One the things that I like best about playing in New York is this particular place, because it has
It has a stage that is conducive to, how you say in the trade, audience participation.
Now if there's one thing that I really like, it's, uh, audience participation.
Now listen
I gotta figure out something that I can, um
d'you think we should have another dance contest tonight, what d'you think?
Oh, hey
The injured person dance contest.
Uh
Well, let's see
Awright, I'll tell you what we're going to do.
Here's a
Here's a guy who really wants to be in the dance contest aw-reety, aw-righty, hey.
Okay
What
what?

Butch:
You are great, man
you are great.
You are the best, baby.

FZ:
Hey

Butch:
Do 'Dinah-Moe Humm.'

FZ:
All right, now wait a minute
what's your name?
Hey, hey
what's your name?

Butch:
Butch.

FZ:
Awright, the dynamic Butch.
Here's
Here's a girl that wants to dance with Butch.
What's your name?

Lena:
Lena.

FZ:
What?

Lena:
Lena.

FZ:
Lena, meet Butch.
Okay, Lena and Butch
Couple number one.
Heh heh.
Okay, let's see
that guy there, with his
that
that one there with the teeshirt on
no, no, the other one
this one
no, no
no no no, wait a minute, wait
well, you're
actually, you're very nice, though.
Would you like to come up here?
Okay, but d'you think you can behave yourself?
You, you're sure you can behave yourself?
Okay, what's your name?

Guy:
Tom, man.
(mumble, mumble) you, baby, I (mumble, mumble) (gurgle) you (mumble, mmf, etc.).

Guy:
Arrgh, mmmf, glurg, etc.

FZ:
Awright, now wait a minute.
Awright, awright, now wait

Guy:
(mumble, mmf.) Ugliness!
Ugliness!

Other Guy:
Frank, you're my buddy!
Arrgh, mmf.

FZ:
Awright, wait a minute
wait a minute.
I have an
I have an important message to deliver to all the cute people all over the world.
If you're out there and you're cute, maybe you're beautiful, I wanna tell you somethin'
there's more of us ugly mother-fuckers than you are,
hey-y, so watch out.
Now

Guy (Butch?):
Will you bring my girlfriend on stage, maybe?

FZ:
Sure. All right, now you
he wants to get his girlfriend
go get your girlfriend.

Girl:
Hey Zap!

FZ:
Good to see you again.

Girl:
Squeak!

FZ:
I know.

Guy:
I ain't no fucking queer.

FZ:
All right, now look, here's what we're going to do.
Awright.
Now.
This
it'll be mashed
I'll save them, I'll save them for later.

Guy:
I'm not a fucking queer.

FZ:
This man is trying desperately to let everybody know that he is not a queer.
He's not queer, he's not queer.
Awright, and now
You are going to dance
Like you've never danced before.